Precisely, on 31st March, 2013 I asked my now ex
to marry me. Not in some fancy restaurant,
shopping mall or some heaven on earth theatrical
setting. It was via a phone call. Surprisingly, we
had never met in person! What madness!! Did she
accept??
Love they say is like a butterfly, it perches
wherever it wants. It's like a lion, it devours
whoever that comes his way. How we fall in love
at times is mysterious. We seldom have control in
matters of the heart. This is how I felt the day I
saw her picture carrying a child. Her little
nephew. I love kids to a fault. In that split
moment I told her how I wished it was our son
she was carrying. That remark set aglow our
hearts.
Initially, she doubted my sincerity. She had been
hurt not once, twice but severally. Worse still she
has a medical condition. A condition she
erroneously thought will forever rob her of love.
Hence her skepticism. Furthermore, my reputation
with 'the ladies' on some social network we had
met some years earlier was daunting. I had to
prove my sincerity. I had to win her love.
As am typing this, my alarm just beeped! Its
October 24th- the day I had slated for our
introduction. Alas! It was never to be. Our love
could not survive the divide. The 'hypocrisy' of
the church has prevailed. I cannot believe am still
hurting this bad. Maybe I was in a hurry to have
ended it all. This is my story. Our story.
After the initial 'gragra' women exhibit we settled
into a beautiful but distant relationship. She was
based in Lagos, I in Port Harcourt. Days became
weeks, and weeks months before our first
physical encounter. I did first visit as a gent. We
had wild fun!! Then came the moment of truth; a
visit to her kit and kin to intimate them of my
intention. Her brother-in law gave me his word.
The only snag which was to destroy all we
labored to build -the church! she is catholic, am
protestant. She is Igbo am Ijaw.
True to his word, her brother-in law accompanied
me to see her parents in her hometown- some
community in Imo State. I was well received.
Such a loving home. I made my intentions known
with all seriousness. It's no child's play
explaining while you consider a man's daughter
worth more than other women to him. Thankfully,
the son in-law gave me all the necessary support.
However, convincing a retired teacher, a respected
and unrepentant staunch catholic requires more
than fancy words. I left that home with mixed
feelings. Her father had plainly told me what
mixed marriage entails. My wife and children will
become 'properties of the catholic church'. It was
non-negotiable.
I sought the advice of family members, and my
pastor. All were of the opinion that her father's
stance undermines my role as the head of our
future family. Personally, I saw it as an 'indirect
rule'. I enlisted one or two of her siblings, her
mum inclusive to get her father to shift grounds.
The old man wouldn't bulge. At my fiancee's
suggestion I paid her uncle a scheduled visit. A
Priest in some parish at Owerri. His stance was
same as his elder brother's; convert to
Catholicism or accept the terms of mixed
marriage.
I was devastated. More so by my fiancee's
shifting positions. Today she's all by my side,
tomorrow she wants me to please her father. I
saw it more as a character weakness than a
woman drawn between love and the hands that
fed her. Perhaps, it was a miscalculation on my
part. She had her flaws. Mine was so glaring. But
i found in her the woman of my dreams.
In the midst of this storm I had boldly gone
ahead to fix today, October 24th my introduction
day. I had called my Pastor to inform him, and a
couple of family members. This decision was
informed after my now ex had told me her
siblings and other family members had prevailed
on her father to soft pedal on his stance. He
unbelievably agreed. So i thought. Until I made
one more call!
The old man true to his principled nature
remained unchanged. It was a blow too
devastating to bear. I saw a relationship of over
two years with countless sacrifices on both sides
evaporate on the grounds of dogma. It hurts so
bad to have met that special one only to realize
you can not be with them for eternity. Should I
have converted for love? That would have
betrayed love itself. Love is without condition(s).
Should I have settled for mixed marriage? Its
unbearable! It's my responsible to provide both
spiritual and physical nourishment for my future
family.
So, it was only appropriate I let love go. If she
finds her way back to me. I had be most
fortunate not lucky. Fortune befriends the bold. A
life of service to all humanity now beckons . It's
a call I must answer. Who knows love maybe
around the corner. Love knows no religious
boundaries. Let's spread the glad tidings of
ecumenism.
No comments:
Post a Comment