1.Respect your husband. - Notice how it doesn’t
say “Respect your husband if he has earned it”. A
man’s greatest need in this world is to be
respected, and the person he desires that respect
from the most is his wife. The trap that we’ve all
been ensnared by is that they only deserve our
respect when they earn it. Yes, we want our
husbands to make decisions that will ultimately
garner our respect, but the truth is that your
husband is a human being. A human being who
makes mistakes. This is the man that YOU have
chosen to walk alongside you for the rest of your
life, and to lead your family and he needs to be
respected for that quality alone. Take it from me
– when respect is given even when he doesn’t
deserve it, it will motivate him to earn it. That
doesn’t mean you pretend that his choices are
good ones when they aren’t. Things like that still
need to be communicated, but you can flesh out
your differences WITH RESPECT. It makes all the
difference in the world to him.
2.Guard your heart. - The grass is not greener on
the other side. Do not believe the lie that with a
slimmer figure, a higher salary, a faster car, or a
bigger house, you will be a happier woman. The
world is full of things and people that will serve
as reminders that you don’t have the best of the
best, but it’s simply not true. Live the life you’ve
been blessed with, and BE THANKFUL. I get that
we all have struggles, and there are even times
when I would love 1,000 more square feet of
house to live in, but square feet is not fulfilling –
relationships are. Guard your heart from things
and people that will try to convince you that your
life or your husband is not good enough. There
will always be bigger, faster, stronger, or shinier –
but you’ll never be satisfied with more until
you’re fulfilled with what you have now.
God, husband, kids…in that order. - I know this
isn’t a popular philosophy, especially among
mothers, but hear me out. It’s no secret that my
faith is of utmost importance, so God comes first
in my life no matter what. But regardless of your
belief system, your husband should come before
your kids. Now unless you’re married to someone
who is abusive (in which case, I urge you to seek
help beyond what my blog can give you), no man
in his right mind would ask you to put your kids
aside to serve his every need while neglecting
them. That’s not what this means. When you
board an airplane, the flight attendants are
required to go over emergency preparedness prior
to takeoff. When explaining the part about how to
operate the oxygen mask, passengers are
instructed to first put the mask on themselves
before putting it on their small child. Is that
because they think you are more important than
your kids? Absolutely not. But you cannot
effectively help your child if you can’t breathe
yourself. The same holds true with marriage and
parenting. You cannot effectively parent your
children if your marriage is falling apart. Take it
from me – I tried. There will also come a time
when your kids will leave the house to pursue
their dreams as adults. If you have not cultivated
a lasting relationship with your spouse, you will
have both empty nests and empty hearts.
3.Forgive. - No one is perfect. Everyone makes
mistakes. If you make forgiveness a habit – for
everything from major mistakes to little
annoyances (every day, I have to forgive my
husband for leaving the wet towel on the
bathroom counter ) – you will keep resentment
from growing.
4.Over-communicate. - I used to have a bad habit
of not speaking my feelings. I played the standard
“You should know why I’m mad” game, and
that’s just downright unfair. Men are not wired
like women, and they DON’T always know that
they’ve been insensitive. I’m still growing in this
area, and there are often times when my husband
has to pry something out of me, but I’m trying to
remember that I need to just communicate how I
feel.
5.Schedule a regular date night. - This one isn’t
new, but it’s very important. Never stop dating
your spouse. Even if you can’t afford dinner and a
movie (which we seldom can), spending some
regular one-on-one time with your spouse is
essential. Don’t talk about bills, or schedules, or
the kids. Frankie and I often daydream about our
future, or plan our dream vacation. We connect
emotionally and often learn something new about
each other – even after four years.
Never say the “D Word”. - If you’re gonna say it,
you better mean it. Plain and simple, threatening
divorce is not fighting fair. I did this a lot in my
previous marriages. I’m not proud of it, but I
learned better. I was hurting deeply, and I wanted
to hurt back, but it never helped me feel better.
6.Learn his love language. - Everyone has a love
language. The way you perceive love is often
different from the way your spouse perceives love.
Does he like words of affirmation, or does he
respond better when you give him gifts? Whatever
his love language is – learn it and USE IT.
7.Never talk negatively about him. - I learned this
lesson the hard way too. If you’re going through
a difficult time in your marriage and you need
advice, see a counselor. Family counseling is a
great tool, but try to remember that your family
members and friends are not the most objective
people to give advice. The argument they are
hearing is one-sided and they often build up
negative feelings toward your spouse, which
usually doesn’t subside once you and your
husband have gotten past it. Protect his image
with those that you’re close with and seek help
from those that can actually be objective. News
flash, ladies – your mother cannot be objective!
8.Choose to love. - There are times in a marriage
that you may wake up and not feel in love
anymore. Choose to love anyway. There are
times when you may not be attracted to your
husband anymore. Choose to love anyway.
Marriage is a commitment. In sickness and
health, in good times and in bad. Those vows are
sacred. They don’t say “if you have bad times”.
They say “in good times AND in bad”, implying
that there WILL be bad times. It’s inevitable. So
choose to love anyway. He’s worth it.
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